yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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