so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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