Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Damn victory sex feels great
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