i think my mom watched the whole time
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
