Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
