how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
