I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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