Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
