I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
