He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
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DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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