I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
