did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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