I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
