Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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