I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
whose parrot is this?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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