I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
