I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
