We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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