yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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