Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
