Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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