forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
