How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
