I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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