so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
