i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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