I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
