I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
