I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
