how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
