I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
