His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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