Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
