i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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