Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
