i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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