New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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