my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
