Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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