she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize