I am puke
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
