So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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