This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
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Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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