i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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