He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
