Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
