she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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