I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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