I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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