Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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