i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
