We're facebook friends in real life
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
