the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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