I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
