FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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