I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
