We won't sleep together?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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