She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
